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20 Ways to Get Through Those Bad Days
After the loss of a loved one, we fall into the chaos of grief, floundering aimlessly in the waves of hurt and emotions that overwhelm us. Every day seems like a bad day.
Even after many years, there may be days when the struggles, the daily demands and the toils of life become too much to bear for a while. We give up and collapse, letting our emotional burdens swallow us up and drag us away.
When we’re in this place, it’s hard to find the way out, see the sunlight and breathe the fresh air again. Here are some tips to help you navigate the black hole – 20 ways to get through your bad days.
Feel it for a while
Wallow – Yes, to eat. Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to be in the mud of what we feel and experience. We must be caught up in our great sorrow and pain, which hurts like nothing on earth. We need to feel the depth of our anguish for ourselves, our deep pain for all that we are going through, to open our eyes to another day.
Set a timer – Yes, you can roar, but not forever. It’s a self-absorbed dark place we don’t want to be in forever. Give yourself a time limit – minutes or hours, maybe the whole day. Set boundaries that support you.
Move – Any movement is good. If it comes after a good romp, it can be as simple as getting out of bed. This could be a walk around the block or a good stretch. Activity is a plus for the whole body. Start where you are and go from there.
Use a widget
Smart phone – find an app that inspires you, something that lifts your spirits when you’re down. They can be faith-based, inspirational quotes or the sounds of nature.
iPad/tablet – Nowadays, you can get a lot of stuff to distract and divert your attention to lift you a little out of the descending gloom. I recently added the TED app to my iPad. TED is a non-profit organization devoted to ideas worth spreading. Their iPad app has hundreds of conference presentations that you can watch on a bad day or when sleep eludes you.
Playlists – Find your favorite music and add it to playlists based on your mood. Get one for those gloomy days, some music that cheers you up. Take one for a walk. Have one for sleeping. You can even get special ear cushions for comfort.
Soft tissues – our poor noses take a beating when we mourn. We have never cried so much. So buy some extra gentle tissues to have on hand. A little softness goes a long way when we’re feeling miserable.
Hug me – buy a beautiful soft and comfortable throw to sink into. There is something about warmth and blankets that makes us feel protected and cared for. It’s a hug with us, for ourselves.
Food– It’s not a good thing to dive into the closet when we’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, but we all do it, and it can be a short-term emotional boost. Save it for the times when you need it most. We all have our favourites, for me it’s chocolate-based – hot drinks, chocolate or pudding.
Warmth – Have you noticed that you feel better when the sun is shining and you feel warm and cozy? Get out into the sunshine where you can or warm up in front of the fire and let the warmth ease the pain in your heart a little.
Bathe – immersing yourself in the warmth of a fragrant bath or feeling how a shower pours hot water on you can be very soothing. Pair it with a beautiful soap or oil to feel pampered and special.
Be lifted up
Laughter – something that can seem impossible when we are in the depths of despair. Laughter is healthy and there is nothing wrong with it. We all need a little relief, a breath of air and laughter can go a long way in releasing the tension we hold inside. Watch this video on laughter yoga, or keep a few DVDs or tapes handy that you know will get you laughing. It can do a lot to break the shell of despair in your heart.
It feeds your mind – have a couple of books, DVDs or tapes that inspire you in some way. There may be someone you turn to again and again. If not, start collecting a few things that you can use during these difficult days. To comfort, inspire and give hope.
A good thing – It can be the hardest thing in the world to feel gratitude for anything when we have lost someone we love so much. Still, I believe that if we try and practice, we can find one of our good things that will turn it into something else. It flips us through the opposite of our loss and directs us toward hope and healing.
The box is your delicacy – If you’re having a bad day, give yourself a fighting chance and know what makes you feel better. It can be a picture or a piece of jewelry. It could be a gift card you bought a long time ago for a day like today. It can be a beautiful fragrance or a favorite flower in a bouquet. Keep them in their real or imaginary box and touch them when needed.
Call a friend – assess how you feel. Sometimes we want to talk, sometimes we don’t. We may not have close friends or family to call, but we may be able to connect in other ways. Grief is a very lonely and isolating experience. We all have times when we need support and we need to know that we are not the only ones who feel this way.
Get support – Most grief support groups have a contact list where you can turn to for help. If you feel suicidal in any way, get help right away from your local doctor, hospital or 911. The internet never sleeps and can be a great source of support and reassurance for anyone anywhere in the world who needs to connect with someone else who is grieving.
He is looking for help – I often say that while many people may walk beside us, we are the only ones who can do the work, the hard meters of grief and healing. We are the only ones who can do what it takes to live again. We are the only ones who can ask for help to support ourselves as we move through our grief. Maybe we’re past the point of being able to help ourselves, or what we’ve tried just isn’t working. Time to try something else. Never be afraid to ask for help, this could be a turning point for you.
Go somewhere else
Pamper yourself – Our home can become our safety net, our sanctuary, especially when we are very sad. Getting out of the house and in a different place not only moves your body, but it can also change your mood. Make it pleasant, take yourself somewhere nice. Break the mold.
Sit with the birds – nature is incredibly restorative and healing. Sit outside with a cuppa for 10 minutes or take a walk to a nearby park. Listen to the sounds of nature; let this be the salvation of your soul. Find a beautiful picture of our wonderful world to decorate your desk or sit on your desk. Buy a fountain and be surrounded by the sounds of nature every day.
Go visit – where did you always want to go? See it in your mind, imagine it. Bring it to life with pictures. Read about it, think about it and plan it. Having something to look forward to can help you cope with the difficulties we are going through right now. Maybe it’s not a long-held dream, but a one or two-night trip, a vacation, or something you’ve always wanted to do.
Try some of these on for size; see if they suit you. If not, come up with your own methods. You help yourself as best you can by finding what works for you and then doing it.
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