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Movie Review: Suing the Devil (2012) (Not Rated)
They serve the Antichrist
Watch Sue the devil witness the birth of a cult classic. Mark my words: One day you’ll see it in a midnight movie theater and people, most likely dressed as their favorite characters, will be waiting in line to see it, just for the giddy thrill of mercilessly mocking it. Here’s a movie so poorly written, poorly written, and so poorly acted that it reaches perverse levels of hilarity. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at a movie that clearly had no purpose to be funny. The more I think about it, the more shocking it becomes that it appeared, and before it was shot, and before it was written, and before it was conceived. If John JB Wilson is the diligent moviegoer he seems, he’ll have his hands full at next year’s Razzie Awards.
This movie has to be seen to be believed. It tells the story of an Australian businessman named Luke O’Brien (Bart Bronson), who decided to go in a new direction and began studying law at a night school. A born-again Christian who was distraught after his mother was killed by a drunk driver. Prompted by her death and the evils plaguing the world today, he decides to sue Satan for $8 trillion. Miraculously (no pun intended), the lawsuit he files is not dismissed, and before long, Satan himself (Malcolm McDowell) bursts into the courtroom wearing a black shirt, black sport coat and sunglasses, which is behind him. the eyes, which may turn yellow. Not alone; he has a circle of lawyers with him, whom he has chosen not only because they represent heartless, greedy corporations like big oil and tobacco, but also because they are heartless and greedy.
The trial stickers themselves are a ridiculous series, so plagued by loopholes and technicalities that it’s a wonder they weren’t discontinued after day one. The judge (Roslyn Gentle) speaks every line like a confused nanny scolding the children for not finishing their dinner. His favorite word is “overruled” and while I’m not a lawyer, I don’t think he should use it when the defense makes seemingly legitimate objections. He’s also dignified in how he yells at people for storming out of his courtroom and oh how he loves his gavel. Most of the time he takes pictures from low angles right in front of his desk, maybe to make himself look more imposing. In one such shot, he hits his hammer, but it falls off the table and out of view of the camera. Before we cut to a new scene, he turns and stares blankly in the direction it fell. An exit stupidly left in the final cut, or an intended moment of tension?
The trial becomes a worldwide media frenzy and is regularly weighed in by a political talk show featuring Tom Sizemore as one of its commentators. Meanwhile, the pious O’Brien repeatedly calls witnesses to the stand, mostly pastors, to prove that Satan is who he says he is, which the defense tries to refute. In a pathetic effort to add drama to the story, writer/director Tim Chey added a subplot in which O’Brien’s wife, Gwen (Shannen Fields), is revealed to be suffering from cancer. He has seen coughing several times, a sound usually accompanied by melodramatic piano music. When O’Brien confronts her and they both start crying, the scene had the exact opposite effect on me. I suspect that this will be the case with most audiences – even religious ones, because you see, religious people go to the cinema, and like non-religious people, they also appreciate good performances.
With the exception of McDowell, who has had a long and relatively distinguished career, every actor in this film gives a performance that would be unheard of in an amateur high school production. At the top of the list is Bronson. Someone needs to sit him down, hold his hand, and tell him, as lovingly as possible, that he’s not an actor and that he needs to consider a new line of work. The same can be said for Kenny Epps, who plays Mr. Innocent, one of the many ironically named lawyers representing Satan; he fakes a southern accent so blatantly fake that it is outrageous and likely to offend the entire population of the American South. He doesn’t even seem to be having fun with his role, which I think would have helped a lot.
The only one who seems to be having fun is McDowell, probably because, as a professional actor, he was the only one with the sense not to take the film seriously. This raises a few more questions, namely why he agreed to be involved and how he might share credit as one of the producers. Exactly what it was about Sue the devil what inspired you to fund it? I am not looking at this from a religious perspective; I honestly don’t know what your religious beliefs are. But he must have been aware of how inappropriate this project was. Only a film like this would end with a plot twist—and not just any plot twist, but possibly the most infuriating plot twist in the history of narrative tradition. You probably think you’ve seen bad movies before. I can assure you that until you see this movie, you have no idea what is wrong.
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