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Relationship "Showstoppers"

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. The relationship lasted ten months and I was in love. Although it felt like torture, I couldn’t ignore the sudden and sad moment when I realized there was little chance of our relationship surviving.

How did I know it was time? I reviewed the second point of the contract with myself, which regulates my relationships. (I will explain the first sentence in my next post.)

Clause 2: “You must observe the five relationship presentations.”

Showstoppers are things you need to have in your relationship to be happy in it. Showstoppers are important to you because without them, the relationship seems difficult and unsatisfying. The relationship with them seems easy (even if it is not).

My presentations:

  • Respect
  • Passion
  • Deep love
  • We bring out the best in each other
  • We can talk about anything at any time
  • The moment I notice one is missing, I take a closer look at the overall happiness of the relationship.

    We all have our own list of things we need to be happy in our relationship. The crazy thing is… very few people consciously reveal these needs to themselves and don’t care if they reveal them to their partner. Most people “wing it” and hope for the best. Sure, it’s possible. But would you enter into a business contract without first deciding what you want from the business? It’s a mystery to me that people take such huge risks with their hearts. It is inconceivable why people stay in relationships that drain their precious resources like love, passion, integrity, etc.

    I admit that my rational self often leaves the room when the survival of my relationship is threatened. Based on three relationship conversations I’ve had this week, I know I’m not alone. When you love someone deeply, the last thing you want to do is leave them… even if you know the cost of the relationship outweighs the benefits.

    No one wants their relationship to end. Because most of us fear this, we invent all kinds of reasons to turn a blind eye. But really, is it better to be in a difficult and uncomfortable relationship than to be single and hope that the love of your life is waiting to meet you? Not for me.

    Showstoppers are about self-respect and sticking to your integrity. The concept is a guideline I created many years ago when I was single and envisioning my still existing relationship. When I hold this imaginary relationship in my mind’s eye, I feel happy and fulfilled. I trust that this will guide me through those confusing times when my current relationship feels out of whack, when I become self-critical and wonder, “is that me?”

    Showstoppers force us to prioritize our needs.

    If our partners are around us all the time, who wouldn’t be annoyed by their idiosyncrasies? A bad mood can cause minor problems. But knowing your relationship priorities can put these things into perspective. If your husband suddenly starts smoking at night and you can’t stand it, work it out or let him go if being with a non-smoker isn’t on your priority list.

    Some of my friends don’t like the term “showstopper”. They feel the concept is too structured and not romantic enough, preferring to let love take them on a wild ride. They insist that no relationship is perfect and by making their list they can make a relationship fail and they are not easy to find! Exactly. No relationship is perfect or easy.

    But if we risk our integrity just to stay in a relationship, it won’t last anyway. Maybe the term is a bit harsh and too businesslike. If you think so, then come up with a phrase of your own that means “my ingredients for a healthy relationship.”

    In fact, they are the “angels of tough love.” Even though my heart and ego may fight to keep me going, my shows force me to stay true to myself.

    Yes, breaking up is bad. The one who likes to cry for hours and experience the shock of realizing they are alone…again. But how much time do we have for a partner who can’t meet our basic needs? It’s not anyone’s fault.

    Hold on for true love. The search may take longer, but the wait is worth it.

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