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Sadie Jackson’s Dating Escapades – Confession

I have a confession to make. I don’t know to whom I am making this confession. I guess I’ll just admit it out loud. I drowned my loneliness in wine and martinis. I didn’t realize I was doing this. I thought I was just having fun, socializing, meeting new people. That’s how it started.

Here. Another night and the emptiness is suffocating. It’s 9:30. I don’t mind the silence during the day. I enjoy. I’m busy. But something happens to me around this time, and I can’t stand being alone in this house for a minute.

So I drive on the street, a short distance from the local venue. I can choose from several places where I know I will find a partner. I might hear some live music. I only intend to leave for one drink and before I know it they’re closing and I’m taking a taxi home. This happens too often.

Yet, for a few hours, I am surrounded by people who smile, find me charming, make me laugh, and I forget how unhappy I am. I am filled with all the hope and possibility I set out on this journey with, surrounded by a false sense of intimacy and friendship.

I notice this as the hour approaches. Tonight I will sit with my loneliness. There are other ways to escape – Watch a movie, read a book, write a short story, call a friend, the possibilities are endless and I could do so many things.

I never regretted being home at night when I was home with my husband and kids. Even if they were out of town or staying the night with friends, I knew they lived there and would be home.

I am alone in this place. They are full of memories and loss and I can’t stand it. I couldn’t wait to be alone. To come clean, to find my next steps. What happened?

It hit me. I didn’t realize that I was running away, hiding from the truth. The truth is, I’m scared to death. I’m afraid of failing at independence, at the freedom to choose whatever I want and enjoy the success I create. I am afraid of success and I am afraid of failure, so I remain oblivious to escape.

There has to be a better way. I actually know how it is and that’s why I came here in the first place. I can take back control. Tonight I’m staying home and living in the possibilities, renewing the hope I once had and not looking back. I have a whole life to create, and I’m starting now.

Sadie Jackson, the fictional heroine, returns to dating for the third time. After two trial marriages, she’s committed and determined to make it right. She can be ad nauseam and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion. Follow your dates in this work of fiction. Find more Sadie at http://CheriValentine.com/category/sadie-jackson.

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