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The Power of Your Own Pleasure

“The soul must always stand ajar, ready to welcome ecstatic experience.” —Emily Dickinson

How much pleasure did you get today? Yes, let’s be honest, unless you’re one of those rare people who experience a lot of joy, your joy meter probably hasn’t gotten far off the ground today. The Webster Dictionary definition of Pleasure is: feeling satisfied; enjoyment; enjoyment; satisfaction. You know the feeling—the warm, open feeling of joy all over your body—it’s hard to articulate in some ways—but you know what I’m talking about–Joy–it’s fun to say and almost evokes the feeling just by saying it. Try it – say it out loud – Joy. What a great word fun to say and even more fun to have the whole experience!

When I ask my clients, “What makes you happy?” it may take some time for them to answer your question. There may be reactions like “I shouldn’t focus on my pleasure, that’s selfish” or “I’ve felt pleasure so long ago that I don’t know what would make me happy.” Another reaction is that they can list the things that make them happy, but when I ask them when was the last time they did those things, they shyly answer that it’s been a long time. Women find it especially hard to focus and pursue their own pleasure because they are socialized to focus their energy on the pleasure of others, not their own. A few years ago, when I was vacationing with my family at a vacation home in Upper Michigan, my aunt shared that she would love to go watch the sunset at Lake Superior, a fifteen minute drive from where we were. I was so excited because it was rare that she said anything that made her happy—since she was so focused on what would make her husband and kids happy, but not herself. We were about to leave when a family friend from a neighboring cottage came in and asked the aunt to prepare a fish she had just caught – she said yes without batting an eye and her trip to watch the sunset was gone. air. Again, someone else’s pleasure was more important than his own. I was both angry and sad at how quickly he let go of his own joy.

Think of the ripple effect of denying your own Joy. To examine this, we use the Inner Bonding framework, within which we have a child with whom we are constantly communicating. Imagine the internal communication my aunt was having with herself–she told the child that they were going to watch the sunset–and like all children, a part of her got excited, anticipating the fun and enjoyment of seeing the sunset. — getting more and more excited as it got closer to departure time (you know that’s exactly what kids do) and now imagine he decides not to go and prepare the fish for his friend. How would the child in it feel? Defeated, angry, sad, insignificant. It will certainly affect the inner level – despair, irritability, maybe your energy levels have dropped, maybe you clicked on others in the evening. It has negative consequences for him and those around him – such denials are not without profound consequences. If this denial of one’s own pleasure continues, it can lead to feelings of depression, anger, fading of the soul, and even disease.

Let’s look at the ripple effect of what would have happened if he had followed his Pleasure and gone and seen the Sunset. There would have been a wonderful feeling of pleasure and delight in his body while watching the sunset. Your energy would be elevated, you would be open and feel a deeper connection with yourself and those around you. He would feel relaxed—all the tension he held in his body would melt away—his breathing would open and deepen. In this relaxed, open, uplifted state, you can gain creative insight into how to handle some of the issues you’ve been facing lately—allowing you to resolve them with ease and grace rather than struggle. You would feel inner confidence from listening to yourself—the child part of you that was excited to watch the sunset—that part would feel valuable and important—so you would feel your own worth and importance. The part of the child—most attached to what would give him pleasure–would feel safe if he could generate more ideas of pleasurable activities in the future—joy would open up and expand in his life—instead of narrowing and diminishing — which would be the consequence of not following the joy of the sunset.

Our mood affects those around us – even if we don’t say a word – those close to us can tell if we’re in a good or bad mood and are usually influenced by our feelings. Because of this, the aunt’s good feelings, which followed her joy, would have caused a ripple effect of good feelings to those around her. His elevated mood would also positively affect the way he interacted with his family—he would be more open and affectionate with them. This way you can see all the benefits of following your own joy—your life opens up and expands in a positive way.

Here are 6 guidelines for experiencing the power of your own pleasure:

1. Take your own pleasure seriously – You need to be the champion of your own joy – following and honoring the things that bring you joy – not bowing to external pressures that lead you astray. Listen to that voice inside of you when it comes up with a great idea that would make you happy—the more you listen, the more ideas will come. Open the floodgates of joy!

2. Make your own pleasure a priority- One of my favorite ways to do this is to organize the day around joys. Putting joy at the top of your list, not at the bottom, can make a huge difference in your daily life. Pleasure feeds your Soul and energizes your energy system — giving you more energy to do whatever you want. When I plan my day, I make sure to plan something pleasant already in the morning—lately it was cycling—this fills the beginning of the day with positive energy of pleasure. Then I make sure I have something pleasant to do during lunch, like meeting one of my favorite friends or going for a walk outside. In the evening, I make sure I have something pleasant to do — watch the sunset or watch a fun, lighthearted curse. By planning Pleasure as the number one priority in your day, you will be able to complete the other items on your to-do list with ease and with more energy. So tomorrow, write “Joy” at the top of your to-do list.

3. Take full responsibility for your own pleasure – Do you take responsibility for your own happiness, or do you pass it on to others – your partner, your friends, your children? This is a common thing that people do and are often not aware of it. You may indicate that you do if you often find yourself frustrated with people. This disappointment comes from expecting them to act a certain way in order to make you feel good — “they have to say this, do that, etc… and I’ll feel good.” Imagine making your joy independent of what others are doing and saying around you – that’s when things get really exciting and fun! An example of this is around the holidays – if you have expectations of how your family should behave in order to have a good time – you will probably be disappointed because you cannot influence the mood of individual family members. in if they are open to fun and love, or closed and stuck in negativity. If you make your pleasure independent of what happens to other people, you can be sure that you will have a good time.

4. Engage all your senses to experience joy – Connecting with the sensations of our body is an essential part of feeling joy. If you get stuck in your head worrying, analyzing, thinking about the past or the future, you won’t be present in your body to feel joy – in fact, you’ll likely feel tension and anxiety. In order to feel pleasure, you have to open up to the experience of the moment—how the air feels on your skin, what you smell, what you see around you. You may have an opportunity for pleasure that you have missed because you are lost in the thoughts of your mind. Once you get in touch with your body’s sensations, you’ll better know what needs to happen to experience joy. For example, you may notice a lack of visual beauty in your everyday environment—so you cannot do anything to change it so that you experience the joy of visual beauty. Now that you are at home, look around you—does what you see bring you joy—are the colors and objects uplifting and beautiful? If not, discover what colors and images you like in your environment. What sounds do you hear during the day? Do you hear laughter, music you like, singing, birds? Pay attention to what makes you happy to hear and make sure you fill your days with those sounds. What physical sensations give you pleasure? I love the soft fur of my dog ​​on my fingertips—I close my eyes and realize how pleasurable the feeling is for me. Do you enjoy the physical sensation of different movements—biking, dancing, walking, jumping? What kind of touch do you like? Do you like someone to hold your hand, rub your back or legs, or stroke your hair? Tune in to what physical sensations you really love and take steps to bring those sensations into your life even more.

5. Take on mundane tasks and fill them with joy- Think about the tasks you have to complete in your life and see what you can do to make those experiences more enjoyable. What can you do to bring joy to cleaning your house? — play your favorite music, take dance breaks, chat with whoever is playing with you, or fool around with yourself! I do this when I write articles – play my favorite music loud, drink my favorite iced tea from a colorful glass, write loving and encouraging notes to myself on the computer screen, have beautiful pictures on cards, visualize myself, burn my favorite incense and hold a 10 minute dance break! Consequently, writing is very enjoyable and fun for me. Years ago, when I started writing, I didn’t do these things, and writing was hard and difficult for me. It was after I prioritized enjoyment in the writing process that writing became very fun, easy, and something I look forward to. See what activities you have to do and see what creative ways you can have more fun.

6. Push the boundaries of your joy – You may have received negative messages from your culture and family about pleasure, so focusing on your own pleasure so openly can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. Treat these feelings as normal feelings of breaking free from old limiting patterns that no longer serve you in your life. Acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings, but don’t let them stop you from pursuing your joys. The idea is to expand your capacity to feel joy and feel it more often in your life. Take risks and experiment with what would bring you joy—Amaze yourself— “What would bring you joy today or at this moment?” —listen to what comes to your mind and then try it. Challenge yourself to enjoy more joy throughout the day—don’t feel any joy and say to yourself, “That’s enough, I enjoyed today”—-no, don’t do that… -Go the other way, and say to yourself: “That felt really good — I want to feel more of that today!” I really feel like there’s always room to stretch and grow in the good feelings you experience—so don’t close yourself off from the amazing possibilities! When you feel good, it will inspire others and allow them to see how they can experience these wonderful feelings. Commit to being a joyous pioneer, exploring new realms of pleasure and paving the way for others to joyfully follow!

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