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Treatment Planning and Action Steps Against Sibling Rivalry

As Christians, we are told to have “brotherly love” for one another. This brotherly love is the closest version of Platonic love. In the Gospels, Jesus instructs the disciples to “love one another as brothers”. However, many brothers in the Bible do not treat each other with love. Consider the following:

Cain and Abel

Esau and Jacob

Rachel and Leah

József and his older brothers

Moses and his step-siblings

Based on all the examples, there is no doubt that acting in brotherly love is a difficult challenge for anyone. Teach the parents of rival children to continue to instill in them a sense of love that is not limited and that does not diminish depending on how many children there are. And instruct parents to be patient, sometimes feelings of jealousy and competition will go away on their own with time.

Here are some things you can suggest to parents to reduce or eliminate sibling rivalry.

Don’t show a favorite.

Ask any son or daughter who their favorite child in the family is and you’ll get an answer. Favoring siblings hurts and infects the child’s heart and leads to feelings of inferiority, anger, resentment, and even bitterness. The biblical story of Esau and Jacob is an excellent example of how favoritism can damage a family. From the book of Genesis (25:28), we learn that the boys’ father, Isaac, preferred Esau, while the mother preferred Jacob. This led to fraud between the parents, and Jacob stole Esau’s birthright and blessing.

Don’t compare

Most siblings are already very sensitive to the competitive aspects of their sibling relationships. More than asking themselves how good I am at this, they ask themselves: Am I better at this than my brother. Therefore, it is best for parents to avoid directly comparing their children to each other. Instruct parents to comment on their children’s gifts and uniqueness in addition to their siblings. For example, although it’s nice to say, Jane is great at soccer and David is a wizard at the piano! it’s not good to say jane is better than david at soccer and david kicks jane but at music.

Counteracts jealous feelings: Jealousy is often at the heart of sibling rivalry. If an older sibling is jealous of a younger sibling, instruct the parent to try the following techniques:

1. Help the child to verbalize feelings.

When children are able to verbalize their feelings, they are much better equipped to (a) understand them and (b) cope with them. However, verbalizing feelings is not an easy process for children. For example, can you imagine a child saying? Mom, Dad, I’ve been feeling a little neglected and insecure since my little brother arrived, and he could really use some attention. Specifically, I want us to spend more time together with each game than before. YES, TRUE! Children are much more likely to vent their frustrations. Only through practice and coaching can a child learn to verbalize their feelings and needs.

2. Heed the good and the good, ignore the bad.

Children want attention, and although it seems backwards, bad attention is better than no attention at all. Therefore, paying attention to good and correct behaviors and ignoring bad ones is a good way for parents to improve their child’s behavior.

For example, if your child is behaving well while putting on his shoes, tell him: Thank you, honey. I am very proud of how well behaved he is when he quietly puts on his shoes when asked. If the child misbehaves by making a fuss, ignore the behavior, don’t pay more attention to it.

3. Show the child the privileges of age.

All adults recognize that age has its perks, but children don’t always see it that way, especially when a baby is given babies and attention spans. A good way to suggest to parents is to point out to their older siblings all the privileges that come with age. What do they get for being older? If they don’t get much, give them some! It is also a great privilege to be an older sibling, to be able to hold and take care of a baby who always looks up to his big brother.

A telephone consultant will certainly give you more details.

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