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Understand and Communicate Your Feelings
Feelings can be elusive or overwhelming, so it’s not always easy to know what you’re feeling. Understanding your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions will improve your relationships because understanding yourself makes it easier to communicate with others. Seek to understand how much you are feeling, how much is related to the present moment, current events, your physical condition, and how much is related to your personal history. Caring about what you feel and knowing more about it makes you more compassionate, empathetic and caring towards others. Being aware of and understanding your own feelings also means that you become much more intelligent about the feelings of others – that is, the wisdom of your own feelings helps you decide when other people’s feelings are real or deceptive.
If you’re feeling upset, confused, or emotionally overwhelmed, knowing how to sort through your feelings can help you figure out what’s going on inside and get you what you want and need.
Notice your feelings. Are you worried or stressed about something? are you calm Focus on your breathing and feel the body sensations that come with it – the cool air coming in, the rhythm of your lungs expanding and deflating. Paying attention to your breathing for a while will help you become more aware of your feelings. Do you react emotionally to your environment? If it’s noisy, do you get annoyed? Are you restless when it’s too quiet? When it’s warm and cozy, do you feel peaceful and comforting? It’s usually easier to feel feelings if you give them some time to surface and if you’re in a place where they don’t bother you, but they run through you every moment of every day. If you take the time to notice these, you can often use this information to handle situations wisely.
Whether you realize it or not, there’s a lot of chatter going on in your head. At this point, you can argue or agree with what you are reading, or comment on whether you think it is useful, or criticize or worry about whether you are doing it right. Pieces of music, film or TV dialogue, or conversations from other times and places may play as background music. Sit and listen for a few moments and try to identify any thoughts that pass by. With a little practice, you will become aware of a “soundtrack” made up of memories, thoughts, criticisms, background noise, TV shows, music, movies, news, and other recorded noises throughout your life.
If you practice awareness of your inner thoughts and feelings, you will soon be able to quickly decide what is happening to you, and if you repeat this over several days, you will find that your self-awareness develops rapidly. . After a few weeks, you will become much more aware of your own body, feelings and thoughts. Once you are aware of it, you have the ability to manage and/or change them to be more effective for you. Accurate awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions is the key to understanding and communicating them.
Being curious about your emotions and thoughts will lead you to understand and explain things that have been puzzling up until now. What is behind your depression, your anxiety, your impulsive behavior, your uncontrollable emotions? Taking an interest in what you are thinking and feeling, as well as what is happening with your boyfriend, spouse, or children, will help you improve your relationships with yourself and others.
Your own feelings tell the feelings of others. We can sense how someone is feeling without being told. By comparing what our other senses tell us about others (smiles, frowns, tension, “pricks,” relaxed breathing, and an indescribable type of data we call empathy) with what we know about our own inner feelings, we draw conclusions about what others feel. Without being told, we know when someone is angry, when they have strong positive or negative feelings toward us, and when they love us. Understanding gives us something to communicate with.
You can open communication with another person as follows:
1. Don’t talk, listen. Some people are less verbal than others, and when we get upset, we verbal people tend to talk and talk. Resist the urge to take over the conversation and give the other person time to talk.
2. Don’t worry about a little silence: give the other person a chance to fill it.
3. When you speak, end your (short) story with a question: “What do you think? or was it the same for you?” This prompts the other person to respond.
4. Treat the conversation like a tennis match: say something, then give the other person a chance to respond… take your time.
5. No complaints, count your blessings and say positive things. Everyone reacts better to this.
© 2019 Tina B. Tessina adapted from here It ends with you: you grow up and out of dysfunction: http://tinyurl.com/z6xafbv
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