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Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys

Almost every woman falls for a bad boy at some point in her dating life. From gangsters to thugs, OGs to Macs, they all have one thing in common: they play the game of love by their own rules, and when you break the rules, your heart breaks. What’s a bad boy like? He is a thug, a roughneck and a rebel without a cause. Or he could be the nice guy next door who is smooth as silk, but deep down he’s a cold-hearted jerk. Bad boys are the kind of guys your mother warns you about, but since they attract thugs, you throw common sense out the window and throw caution to the wind.

What you have to keep in mind when dealing with a bad guy is that most people see women as conquest – something to be captured and conquered. And when the excitement is over, the relationship is over. While many of you know this, some of you chase gangster love in hopes that they will change him. You end up feeling hurt and betrayed. And you know when you have a boyfriend who isn’t behaving properly because you’re probably quick to tell your girlfriends what to do the moment their boyfriend starts acting up. But sometimes it’s easier to tell others what to do than to do what you know is right.

I know firsthand what it’s like to fall prey to a bad guy, because until I learned how to have healthier relationships, I was a die-hard bad guy addict. I wouldn’t even look at a guy unless he was rude with a bad attitude.

But after years of emotional roller coasters, maternity drama, and being played the fool, I woke up and felt the dysfunction. As a result, I developed some common sense strategies that helped me break my bad boy habit. I am sharing them in the spirit of brotherhood, hoping they will help you too.

Why do girls like bad boys?

If you ask most females why they like bad boys, they’ll tell you the challenge, thrill, or excitement of living vicariously. But what starts out as an exciting, high-speed adventure often turns into an emotionally draining melodrama. Bad guys offer a double dose of pain and pleasure. When they’re bad, they go down terribly, but when they’re good, you feel like you’ve just won the lottery. Here are the top reasons women love bad boys.

A secret fear of intimacy

If you’re attracted to guys you can’t really have because they don’t want a real relationship or are in a relationship with someone else, you might have a secret fear of intimacy. The reason you find a bad boy so attractive is because you can be with him without ever letting him get too close. As long as he’s out of reach, he can never get close enough to hurt you.

A subconscious desire to bring father home

As you already know, your relationship with your father shapes your relationship with other men. If you grew up without a father, or if he was emotionally unavailable, you may be involved with men who behave in the same way as your father. Although you risk getting hurt if you’re with a bad boy. Maybe you can hope that if you stick around long enough, he’ll eventually give you the love you didn’t get at home.

Little confidence

When you feel good about yourself, you set high standards in all areas of your life, including your romantic relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a guy who lies, cheats, talks you down, or treats you badly in any way, no matter what other people think, you’re not comfortable. When you value who you are, you treat yourself with great respect and demand that others do the same. Know that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

Media Brainwashing

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Jerry Springer or the latest music videos, you can see how the media portrays the bad boy image as every girl’s dream. Popular television and music videos try to convince you that it is acceptable for men to disrespect women and reduce them to sex objects. Think Jay Z’s “Big Pimpin'” video or Lox’s “Need a Ride or Die Chick” and you can see how the media pushes the image of the bad boy as an ideal. You don’t have to buy into everything the media feeds you. You can decide what is attractive and acceptable. There’s no good reason to stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate or respect you.

Copyright © 2000 by Cassandra Mack

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